Out the blue
“To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face, and to know it for what it is...at last, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away...”
Worse days come out the blue. And I am never aware what really cause them or could cause them in the future. When they finally arrive, I become hopeless and completely lost. I don't know anymore what is good or bad for me. Those worse days for me personally are the end of my life. The end of everything I have sorted out before. In the blink of an eye, I forget about my to-do-list, university, not mentioning people around me. Immediately, I become my worst enemy and my fierce critic but the feedback I get is not constructive, at all.
During these periods of time, that for me they work as the part of the life cycle, I don't believe that I would ever have somebody by my side. I don't want to dramatise, but I would say I would never think that I possibly deserve anyone. The world showed me something different instead. That is such an odd feeling to know that there is actually someone or some people who are willing to stay. I am standing in front of few very important, probably the most important occurrences in my life. I think I’m not yet ready to say it out loud but some people crossed my path and decided to help me. They understood my suffering and strife that I’m experiencing in the daily life. I think was never really aware of that myself. I thought life is supposed to be like this. Hard, almost impossible to get through. Things are about to change for me. For the better, I hope.
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