Those who care will stay with you for better or for worse.

 “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” (B.Brausch)

   Stay with those who gonna be there for ups AND downs. People love you when you're happy and on top of your well-being. The thing comes out to be different when you are showing you to them as you really are.  

    I have started observing that people around me can't or don't want to accept that I have both sides (as a person who struggles with mental illness) and it really hurt me in the first place because I thought that it was unfair towards me to feel rejected while being lost in the first place. You know, I felt like losing any chance of help just because I was suffering. 

   But in the last few months, I have noticed, that they just couldn't tell. They didn't know that I wasn't acting 'strange' or 'different'  regardlessly my will. It is how it is. There are still people that are certain that this can change and what it takes is just to try to be happy and smile. Unfortunately, it is not that easy even if I really want it to be as such. It is not easy to face the reality and see that not everyone is meant to be at all times. 

   On the one hand, it is a curse. On the other hand, finally, the scales fell from my eyes and now I know. Mental illness is not easy to hide, that is why a long time ago I have decided to be true with myself and with the rest of the world. What you give, you receive, period. This honesty became a great filter to differentiate those who really care from those who are here just for 'good times'. I am able to appreciate much more those who did not get scared and stayed. But I know it takes a lot of patience and understanding. And I want to thank anyone who is by my side and did not take me as a 'bad person'. 

   I know the consequences of my actions. I write all of this stuff here because out there are many people who suffer like I do and know they exactly how I mean and how it is to be in the constant battle with yourself and even hurt others unintentionally. I am writing it to you and hope that you will not be afraid of being yourself. Because there is nothing wrong with you.